The Joys of Being a Turk
by Karu Leonnese
Summary: Six Turks. Three missions. Endless torture...^-^. I wrote this forever ago, but it finally gets posted! Retracing my steps...
1. Chapter One: The Main Story

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**The Joys of Being a Turk**

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**by Karuri-chan**

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**Disclaimer: Haven't I told you enough?**

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**One quick note: This is about the Turks. Vincent's in it too, as his Turk form, but it's supposed to be at the same time that Reno and the others are Turks. It also has my origianl character, Allitra as her past Turk form too. Get that? Good, now explain it to me...**

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Elena slowly walked into the office. She knew she was late, but Reno would probably be much later. She moved slowly because of her hand. It was wrapped up in a bandage because she had sprained it rollerblading. 

  


'I won't let it bother me though,' she thought to herself, 'I can't show a weakness...Especially in front of Tseng...'

  


She opened the office door, only to find everyone there except for Reno and Allitra. With a sigh of relief, she sat down in her normal spot.

  


"Glad you could join us Elena," Tseng said with a slight smile that made Elena blush.

  


"We're just waiting for the last two," Vincnet said with a hint of annoyance. 

  


"............." Rude said, being his usual talkitive self.

  


"As usual..." Reeve commented. Everyone knew that Reno was always late, and Allitra, being rather new to the Turks, still had her troubles finding certain places.

  


As if on cue, an orange-haired girl ran into the room, panting. "Am I late?" she asked worridly.

  


"Yes," Vincent frowned. Allitra made a face at him. 

  


"You're okay," Tseng said, trying to be sympathetic (as much as a Turk __can anyway) to her being new, "Reno's not here yet."

  


Allitra flopped down in a seat next to Elena, accidentally hitting her sprained arm. Elena let loose a howl of pain, then quickly bit her bottom lip. Allitra jumped up out of the chair, thinking she'd killed Elena or something.

  


Then she noticed the bandage. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry El."

  


"What happened?" Reeve asked Elena.

  


"Rollerblading..." she squeaked.

  


"Why didn't you tell us?" Allitra questioned, still sorry for hurting her friend.

  


"I...I didn't want to look weak," she admitted.

  


"How brave," Tseng said. Elena bit her lip again. Not from pain, but to keep from screeching for joy.

  


Reno took that oppourtunity to stumble into the office, barely sober enough to walk, his clothes a mess as usual. "WWWWHHHAAZZZUUUPPP????!!!"

  


Tseng sighed in frustration, as Reno grabbed a wall to keep from falling down. Eventually, with the other Turks' help, he made it to a seat.

  


"Can we start now?" Vincent grumbled.

  


They went into their routine morning meeting, discussing the day's jobs and assignments.

  


"The Urban Development sector needs some vollunteers for a model," Reeve pointed out, "We need two, I guess. Artistic."

  


Tseng rolled his eyes. He really didn't care how artistic the pair was, as long as it got Reeve out of the office. "Vincent and...Allitra. You two go with Reeve."

  


Vincent looked at the oranged-haired girl, who, in turn, gave him a disgusted stare. The two had hit it off bad from the first day, and the had only grown farther apart since then.

  


"But-" they started to protest.

  


"I don't want to hear it," Tseng cut them off, "GO!!"

  


Grumbling and quietly protesting, the two followed Reeve out of the office to the Urban Development floor.

  


"Next we need two to check up on Sector 2."

  


Reno lifted an eyebrow. "Up near that 7th Heaven place?"

  


"Is that a bar?" Elena asked grumplily.

  


"Yeeeeeeeaahh!!"

  


Tseng needed an asprin. "Reno, you and Elena check up on that Sector."

  


"All right!!" Reno jumped up and grabbed Elena's sprained arm to drag her. 

  


"YOU BASTARD!!!!!!" she screamed, and flung the other arm, fist first, into Reno's face.

  


Reno fell to the floor. "What'd I do?"

  


Elena stromed out of the room. Reno hopped up and ran after her.

  


".........?" Rude looked at Tseng, "What do we do?"

  


"First," Tseng got up, "We get me some pain killer. Then, we report to Rufus."

  


[Vin and Alli]

  


"What are we gonna do?" Allitra asked Reeve, as she tried to match his hasty stride, rather than walk next to Vincent, who trailed behind them.

  


"We're going to make a scale acurate model of Midgar," Reeve replied, "But first I have to get something from my office. You two stay here." With that, he went into his office and shut the door behind him.

  


Vincent leaned against the wall. He was in no hurry to start 'Arts and Crafts'. "This isn't why I became a Turk," he mumbled to himself.

  


"Tough stuff," Allitra smirked. She was going to fully enjoy building this model, and not even Vin's sulky attitude was going to bring her down.

  


Twenty minutes later, and Reeve didn't come out of his office. 

  


"Should we go on or something?" Allitra asked.

  


Vincent didn't answer her, but stared cooly at the office door.

  


Deciding that Reeve could be hurt or something, Allitra opened the door a crack. Vincent left his place at the wall to join her eavesdropping. 

  


They heard two voices. One was Reeve's, and the other had a distinct accent to it, which neither could place.

  


"How is the investigation goiing?" Reeve asked.

  


"Jus' fine boss," the other replied.

  


"Good. Don't let your guard down."

  


"No problemo Jesus."

  


"How many times do I have to tell you--DON'T CALL ME JESUS!! I'M GONNA GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING OR SOMETHING!!"

  


"But ya do look like Je-"

  


"TRANSMISSION OUT!!!"

  


The accented voice quit abruptly, and Reeve started to walk out of the office. Vincent and Allitra stumbled to get out of the way, but only wound up falling in a heap on the floor. Reeve walked out and saw them toppled over each other.

  


He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Have we forgotten the rule about employee relations?"

  


If looks could've killed, both Vincent and Allitra would've been murderers.

  


[Reno and El]

  


Elena walked in long strides in front of Reno, who had trouble walking __normally, let alone fast and long.

  


"El, what'd I do?" he half-whined.

  


Elena didn't answer. The fact that he didn't know what he did only made her angrier.

  


Once in Sector 2, Reno stopped trying to get a response out of his fellow Turk. He now turned his attention to the 7th Heaven Bar.

  


Elena whirled around to finally give Reno a peice of her mind, but he had disappeared. She looked up and down the street, with no avail. Then she noticed the bar. 

  


Cursing Reno, she entered, and found him at the bar, chatting with the bartender, or rather __trying to. She was ignoring him, and he was too drunk to notice.

  


Rolling her eyes, she figured she may as well take a break too. She sat at the bar next to Reno.

  


"What can I get you?" the bartender, a bubbly-looking brunette, asked Elena.

  


"Just a water please." Elena sighed.

  


"Comin' right up."

  


Elena watched Reno dive into another drink. 'Heaven knows how many he had before he even came to work today,' Elena thought.

  


The bartender handed her a glass of water.

  


"Thanks. Nice place you got here."

  


She smiled. "Thanks." Looking at Reno, she added, "I'm just glad that guy's got someone to help him outta here when he's done. I hate tossing out the drunks..."

  


Both girls laughed. Reno looked at them groggily, not knowing what they were laughing at.

  


"Yoooouu makin' funna my mama?!" he slurred.

  


"Shut up Reno," Elena whacked him in the back of the head.

  


"I'm Tifa," the bartender introduced herself.

  


"Elena," 

  


"What brings you guys to Sector 2? You don't look like the normal customers."

  


"We're..." Elena knew she couldn't reveal her mission. "Just passing through."

  


Tifa nodded.

  


Just then, Reno jumped up, knocking his chair over in the process. The two girls stared blankly at him.

  


"Elena! Quick!!" he yelled, "We gotta hiiiiiiiiiiide!!!!" he started to fall to the floor, and grabbed Elena's arm for support.

  


Elena twitched. Then she again swung out her other arm. "STOP DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!"

  


Reno collapsed to a drunken mess on the bar floor.

  


[Tseng and Rude]

  


Tseng's headache was feeling much better since all the others left. Rude walked beside him as they headed toward's Rufus's office.

  


He was about to knock on the door, when he heard voices. Interested, he stopped to listen.

  


"What do you want to do today, Mr. Wiggles?" Rufus asked.

  


There was no answer.

  


"Well, okay."

  


Tseng knocked and quickly entered, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Rufus had been talking to. Rufus barely heard the knock before the two Turks burst in, and he didn't have time to hide Mr. Wiggles, his stuffed Chocobo.

  


"Dammit!" Rufus roared, "You're supposed to wait until I say come in!"

  


"Sorry, sir," Tseng said, making a mental note to publisize the Chocobo incident.

  


"What do you want, anyways?"

  


"We're here for our orders, sir," Rude said quietly.

  


Rufus looked distractedly at one of his desk drawers. "I dunno...gather all the Turks and go explore the..........38th floor."

  


"Yes sir."

  


The two left. Rufus imediately pulled Mr. Wiggles from teh desk drawer.

  


"It's okay now...they're gone..."

  


Tseng and Rude decided to get Reno and Elena first, since they were farther away. As they made their way down to Sector 2, they began to hear screaming.

  


Tseng had an ominious feeling that thae screaming was coming from the Turks.

  


He was right, As soon as the pair entered the 7th Heaven Bar, they could see all hell had broken loose. Elena was chasing Reno around the bar, followed closely by the bartender, both girls shouting obsenities at the drunken Turk, who was laughing and running as fast as he could with a hangover.

  


"Elena!" Tseng shouted. Immediately, Elena skidded to a halt.

  


"Hiya boss," she laughed nervously.

  


Rude grabbed Reno by his collar.

  


Elena turned to teh bartender. "it was nice to meet you Tifa."

  


Tifa smiled. "You too."

  


The group left the bar and went back to the ShinRa building. They loaded into teh elevator and zipped to the Urban Development Sector.

  


A bit of yelling could be heard from that room as well. But when Tseng opened the door, he realized that it wasn't yelling-it wa laughing. Reeve and Allitra were laughing so hard that their faces were both flushed. Vincent looked ready to kill. then they all noticed the reason of Vincent's look and the others' laughter.

  


Vincent had super-glued his hand to the table.

  


After joining Reeve and Allitra in a round of laughter, they managed to unstick Vincent from the table. Then all six Turks marched to the 38th floor.

  


No one was sure what happened on the 38th floor. Tseng was guessing that Rufus had pulled a number out of his ass and told them to explore it so he could be alone with Mr. Wiggles.

  


'But orders are orders,' he thought to himself.

  


  



	2. Chapter Two: The Finale

joyturk2  
  
Chapter Two: The Finale?  
  
  
Notes: Uh...I'm not sure if it's the end or not. And guess what- this is   
(I think) my 10th posted fic! I's happy now!! *does a happy dance until   
Vin stops her* ^^  
  
  
  
  
The 38th floor turned out to be nothing but a hallway lined with doors.  
  
  
"You think the boss wants us to check every door?" Elena thought aloud.  
  
  
"He probably wants a full report too," Tseng sighed, "Just to keep us   
busy."  
  
  
"This sucks," Reno sulked.  
  
  
"It'll go faster if we split up," Vincent suggested.  
  
  
"I'll go with Elena!" Allitra called, so as not to wind up stuck with   
Vincent again or Reno.  
  
  
"We'll split up into two groups of three, I guess," Tseng said.  
  
  
"Then you can come with us!" Elena said quickly.  
  
  
So they divided. Tseng went with Elena and Allitra, and Reno, Rude and   
Vincent made up the other group.  
  
  
*Tseng/El/Alli*  
  
  
It was painfully obvious to Tseng why Elena had wanted him in her group.   
He looked at her suspiciously, only to find her eyes fixed on him, little   
hearts floating around her head. He tried to put some space between her   
and himself by putting Allitra in the middle.  
  
  
All the doors they opened lead to completely empty office rooms. Allirta   
made a mental note that she could take one of these offices without anyone   
noticing.  
  
  
She also made a note that Tseng and Elena were playing games with each   
other. Elena was playing the 'Look- Until- He- Looks- At- You- Then- Look-   
Away- And- Blush' game, and Tseng was playing 'Hard- To- Get'. Both of   
which were extremely annoying to the edhead, so, while they were focused   
on each other, Allitra hopped on an elevator and ditched them.  
  
  
*Reno/Rude/Vin*  
  
  
The three wandered down the hallways, opening doors to empty rooms.   
  
  
"So, Vinnie," Reno started suddenly, "Whatcha got against Alli?"  
  
  
"I find her immature," Vincne eyed the redhead carefully.  
  
  
"Bet ya in a few years, you'll be inseperable."  
  
  
"You just used a five syllable word," Rude spoke up.  
  
  
Reno looked horrified. "My hangover must be wearing off!"  
  
  
"Congradulations," Vincent rolled his eyes.  
  
  
Reno took a small bottle from his jacket pocket and drank the contents   
quickly. "Whew! That was close!"  
  
  
Vincent was about to say something, but he stopped as he heard footsteps   
behind him.  
  
  
"Who's there?!" Vincent demanded.  
  
  
A soft giggle was heard.  
  
  
"El? That you?" Reno called.  
  
  
No answer.  
  
  
"I'll bet it's Alli, trying to scare us," Vincent scoffed.  
  
  
Suddenly, an all too-familiar person stepped out from the shadows.  
  
  
All three men screamed like schoolgirls.  
  
  
*Tseng/El*  
  
  
Finally, Tseng noticed that they were a person short.  
  
  
"Where'd Allitra go?"  
  
  
Elena shrugged. Tseng grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the   
elevators. The blond let out a little whimpering squeak. Tseng dropped her   
arm quickly, suddenly remembering her injury.  
  
  
"Sorry..." he began.  
  
  
"It's...okay..." she wa fighting the urdge to punch him like she had Reno.  
  
  
They entered the elevator.  
  
  
*Alli*  
  
  
Allitra had gotten off at the 103rd floor (how many floors does this place   
have   
anyway?). After a quick look around, she realized she was in the Space   
Program HQ.  
  
  
"There's gotta be something interesting around here," she said to herself.  
  
  
No one questioned her presence, seeing as she was a Turk, and no one   
seemed to care much. They were all busy running around, looking all   
scientist-ish.  
  
  
She popped her head into an office. "Hiya!"  
  
  
"Hello," a woman smiled at her. There were two people in the office. The   
woman, and an angry looking man.  
  
  
"What's goin' on in here?" Allitra asked, walking in.  
  
  
"Well, we're about to launch this rocket into space," the woman said.  
  
  
"If we could ever get all these @%^@##in' tests run!" the man snapped.  
  
  
"Wicked cool!" Allitra read the two's nametags. Shera was the woman, and   
Cid was the man. "I'm Alli."  
  
  
"Nice to meet you," Shera said.  
  
  
"Yeah, hey kid." Cid replied.  
  
  
"I think I'd better be going soon. I have some people going to be looking   
for me." Allitra said, looking around to see if Tseng and Elena had   
followed her.  
  
  
"Hope I'll see you again sometime, then," Shera suggested. Cid rolled his   
eyes and started muttering about 'Girl stuff'. Allitra nodded, then left   
the office.  
  
  
The redhead then wandered over to the rocket.  
  
  
*Reno/Rude/Vin*  
  
  
"Aren't you guys glad to see me?" Scarlett pouted.  
  
  
None of them had stopped screaming. Then, Vincent broke into a run, Reno   
and Rude following.  
  
  
Scarlett put her hands on her hips. "Well, that wasn't very nice."  
  
  
She stood there for a second, then proceeded to chase them like a   
sugar-indueced fangirl.  
  
  
The guys ran into one of the rooms. It was completely pitch black.  
  
  
"Find the lightswitch," Vincent hissed.  
  
  
Reno turned on his electro-rod. It lit up the room enough to show the guys   
that they weren't alone.  
  
  
"Hey! Turn out that light!"  
  
  
All three slowly turned around. Sitting on the floor behind them was a   
giant beetle.  
  
  
"Holy --" Reno jumped up into Vincent's arms, "SAVE ME!!"  
  
  
Vincent dropped Reno to the floor, then moved toward the door.  
  
  
"Wait!" Reno scrambled to his feet, "In here is a Mako-Mutant, who might,   
and probably will, torture us and make us eat our own vital organs. And   
out there is Scarlett."  
  
  
The dark-haired man stepped cautiously away from the door. "I have always   
kind of wondered what my liver tastes like..."  
  
  
Rude looked at Reno. "Hangover."  
  
  
Reno screeched. "I'M GOING SOBER!!! NOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
  
The beetle looked at the redhead. "Need a drink, huh?"  
  
  
*Tseng/El*  
  
  
They stopped at the Genetics Lab.  
  
  
"Do you think she'd be here?" Tseng asked.  
  
  
"Well, she is the curious type," Elena replied, "Plus she has kind of a   
personal gurdge against Hojo..."  
  
  
They walked into one of the lab rooms. Then, suddenly, the door shut and   
locked behind them. oth whirled around to see Professor Hojo.  
  
  
"Well, well..." he said, in a mad scientist-ish tone, "Looks like I have   
two litte test subjects..."  
  
  
"WHAT?!" they both gasped in unison.  
  
  
Hojo lunged at them. Tseng dodged. Elena tried to spin back to reach the   
door, but Hojo grabbed her non-injured wrist.  
  
  
Thinking quickly (as Turks were known for), Tseng rushed over to teh   
equipment on the lab table.  
  
  
"Elena!" he yelled, "JUMP!"  
  
  
Elena instinctively jumped as high as she could. Tseng pushed a wheeled   
equipment cart at Hojo. He let go of Elena as the cart crashed into him,   
and Elena landed her jump on top of the cart before hopping off and   
rushing next to Tseng, who was trying to pick the lock on the lab door.  
  
  
Hojo got up from the collision. Thinking that Elena was the weak point   
(Because she was a girl. That's how stupid Hojo is...), he tried again to   
grab her wrist.  
  
  
But this time, he got the wrong arm.  
  
  
"CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!" she screamed as she did a spin kick, catching Hojo's   
legs and making him loose his balance. Then came the finishing upper-cut   
from her good arm, which sent Hojo into La-La Land.  
  
  
*Later*  
  
  
All six Turks stood before Rufus.  
  
  
"I don't believe this!" he roared, as all the Turks cringed, "Tseng nd   
Elena managed to knock out our head scientist!"  
  
  
"But he-" Elena started to protest, but Rufus's icy glare made her bite   
her tongue.  
  
  
"And you three," he turned on Reno, Rude and Vincent, who all seemed to be   
having trouble standing, "You're all drunk off your rockers!"  
  
  
"The giant beetle gave us booze!" Reno slurred. No one believed him, and   
they blamed him for getting the other two wasted.  
  
  
"The only one who didn't screw anything up was Allitra!" He looked at her   
curiously, "Is something different about you?"  
  
  
"Yeah," Elena looked at Allitra, "Where's your hair clip?"  
  
  
"I...I..." Allitra stuttered, "I..lost it!"  
  
  
"Oh well, "Rufus grumbled, "Get outta my office before I fire the lot of   
ya!"  
  
  
All six scrambled to the door and out of Rufus's office.  
  
  
Allitra caught up with Tseng and Elena, who had apparantly stopped playing   
games and got together. "You guys gotta tell me how you beat Hojo up!"  
  
  
"Hey guys," Reno called, "You wanna go to the bar? it's Karaoke Nite!"  
  
  
"Can I bring some friends?" Allitra asked, thinking of Shera and Cid.  
  
  
"As long as you don't mind us bringing a giant beetle..."  
  
  
*In Rufus's Office*  
  
  
Rufus pulled out his stuffed Chocobo. "Well, Mr. Wiggles, it's been a long   
day, hasn't it?"  
  
  
The phone rang. Rufufs grumbled and picked it up.  
  
  
"Hello?...WHAT?!...Space mission aborted? Why?...A hair clip stuck in the   
gears...??!!"  
  
  
He slammed the reciever back on the hook.  
  
  
"ALLITRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
  
~Fin ^^~  
  
  
A/N: Okay, this is finally done. I might do teh next one in the Karaoke   
bar. I dunno. I know that's not the real reason why the space mission was   
aborted, but what I was planning wouldn't be written, so I had to   
improvise. All that remains to be said is...  
TAH-DAH!  
~Karuri-chan 


End file.
